EK arrived on Tuesday at 8:34 a.m. She was 9 lbs 10 oz and 21 inches of absolute perfect, and when I look at her, I am completely blown away that she is made from part of me. How on Earth did something that beautiful grow for nine months in my belly? Then, of course, I have to laugh when I think that she was 21 inches, and I'm only 60 inches. Haha.
I think everyone was surprised at her size. My doctor called her a "two hander." I was so afraid that morning... so afraid that I would throw up on the operating table. So afraid that the spinal would leave me paralyzed. And even so afraid that she would come out blue and be rushed away to NICU. Thankfully, none of those things happened.
I am so madly in love that I wish the whole world would stop so I could just love her... with no other responsibilities.
On the second day of EK's life, I started getting in trouble by the nurses. I was having such a hard time making her wake up to eat. I'd tried everything I knew to try, and she just WOULD NOT wake up. Her sweet Daddy would make her angry and have her screaming... only to hand her to me... get a boob in her mouth and she was out cold again.
I'm still having a hard time with that... Not to mention that my nipples want to commit suicide. They are SOOOOOO painful! Sometimes, when she's nursing, I truly think I'm going to vomit from the pain.
Speaking of pain... the c-section? Overrated. I am amazed at how little that has bothered me. I had no trouble getting up and moving afterward. Granted, there's still that broken rib that is kicking my tail, but the incision... not a big deal. I think I took pain meds twice in the hospital and none since I've been home. However, when I took the bandage off... it ripped off some of my skin and THAT, my friends, is painful... far more painful than the incision.
I've had my meltdowns. For instance when the doctor suggested that they might have to keep EK an extra day if she didn't start maintaining weight. She was down to 8 lbs. 12 oz. on the second night. I just boohoo'd. I felt like a complete and total failure. She gained 2 oz. that night/next day so they let us go home... with instructions that I supplement with formula. After every feeding, she's supposed to drink at least an ounce of formula. The only problem? If she doesn't stay awake for a boob? Why would she stay awake to feed on a boob and then a bottle? The problem wasn't milk supply. It's there. It's my sleepy baby.
Yes, I've undressed her. Yes, I change her diaper before she nurses. Yes, I tickle her, play with her face, cheeks, chin, etc. Yes, I've used a cool cloth on her face, forehead, side, etc. I burp her often. I sit her up and talk to her. This child LOVES to sleep. I'm at a loss.
Bear with me while I decide if I'm sharing pictures. I am still undecided.
We're finally buying a bump tonight, and I'm wondering if it'll be easier if I pump an then feed her with a bottle? That way the control freak in me can KNOW what she is consuming, rather than being uncertain. The breastfeeding thing is killing me. Ladies, it is not for the weak. I so completely respect all of you who do this. My experience after 5 days.... utter hell.
Please feel free to offer advice, definitely encouragement..... anything you have...
My husband is gone to his daughter's ball practice and EK is asleep so I finally had some "me" time to reach out to all of you.
S.O.S.
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Congrats! So glad to hear that she is perfect and you are all doing well!
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding IS hard!! It was the most challenging thing I ever did - physically, emotionally, mentally. We had difficulties in the beginning, too. I actually ended up pumping almost exclusively for the first 6 weeks or so, but it gets easier if you stick with it. It's so rough at the beginning, but pretty soon it becomes second nature for both of you.
ReplyDeleteThe best nipple relief I found was those little gel pads you can refrigerate. I think they're made by Lansinoh (in the purple box).
Good luck! And remember: Happy Mom = Happy Baby. Do what's best for you & EK. Treasure these first few weeks at home with her.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!! BFing was total hell for me too. My baby would not latch and he lost 10% of his body weight in the hospital too and even more by the day after we were released from the hospital. My pedi made me supplement at every feeding as well and once my baby realized how much easier the bottle was he totally refused the boob. My milk supply was an issue too due to blood loss after my csection. It was pure torture for me and my baby to BF so I finally just decided to EFF. Things have been great since then. I agree, BFing is not for the weak and the women that can and do stick with it are my heros but there is also no shame in FFing either if that is what is best for you and your baby if that is something you are considering. I think pumping is a great idea too. I know a lot of women that do that as well. Just do whatever is best for you and your precious baby.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that a csection is not the end of the world like a lot of women make it out to seem. I'm glad yours sounds like it was as easy as mine was. :)
Congrats again and I hope you do decide to share pictures. I love all things baby, especially cute pictures!
So so happy for you! I can't wait to read the birth story. Enjoy every second!
ReplyDeleteZero breast feeding advice here, but just do the best you can and don't beat yourself up.
First of all, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl!
ReplyDeleteSecond, breastfeeding is SO hard at first. While things are going awesome with Miles, I had an awful experience with my daughter. She was exactly like EK -- we could not wake her up for anything. She wouldn't nurse, she wouldn't take the bottle, and she was losing weight. After three weeks of pain, sleep deprivation, and stress, I decided to pump and feed instead of try to BF her. But then all I was ever doing was pumping, then feeding her, then pumping again, then feeding her. When I finally made the incredibly difficult decision to quit with breatmilk all together and go to formula, she and I were both SO much happier. Like the previous person said -- Happy Mom = Happy Baby. Do what works for you and her!!
i just want to say that i too had the same problems with a sleeping baby and not being able to bfeed. i got into trouble with nurses and had nurses getting so frustrated with me because i wasnt getting the hang of feeding. i cried a-lot. so much so that the nurses started asking my husband about my mental state and if i had ever suffered from depression - i wasnt depressed i was just saddened by the fact that there was so much pressure to breast feed even when your nipples are bleeding and your child is not getting any milk.
ReplyDeletemy best advise was getting some nipple shields, and also knowing that pumping and feeding is not a terrible thing - in fact for me it was easier to express and feed than to breast feed.
I struggled so much emotionally and physically with bfeeding i was crying every time i had to feed and because of the little ones weight drop i was meant to be feeding every two hours, it was hard, really hard, and i just couldnt keep up, i hated every moment and it wasnt getting better - i dont share this to make you un happy and i am not sharing this to scare you, just maybe so you know that you are not alone, and that its not as easy as it seems initially, but it does get better, it does get easier - and you know what, if it gets to hard, if you cant keep up, if its not for you - there are other options, just remember that.
And i am a mother that after much heartache chose to opt for the other options, and personally my metal state and connection with my daughter is much better because i am happy and feeding time is fun, not stressful.
Dont be afraid to do what you want to do, dont be afraid to try other things when it gets too much, persevere - but dont let it consume you like it did me.
Sending you all my love and hugs
Some of my posts from the harder times...
http://chasingamiracle.com/2010/09/day-347-i-feel-like-a-cow/
http://chasingamiracle.com/2010/09/day-349-the-pressures-of-the-expected/
http://chasingamiracle.com/2010/11/reflection/
Congratulations!!!
ReplyDeleteOh honey. It gets better, then easier, then second nature, then some women never want to stop. BF'ing has a rhythm and a progression. Everyone starts at the beginning every time.
ReplyDeleteI slathered my nipples with cream (I mean a ton) then put a breast pad on, and they would heal enough to nurse again. It's a cycle. It takes time for them to toughen up. :)
I'm going to email you...watch for it tomorrow. My advice for now - keep her going on the boob or with a pump/bottle as long as you can stand it. I think she's going to 'wake up' for you really soon...and if you really want to give bf-ing a shot, you don't want to lose the supply while you're waiting. As a small frame of reference, both of my babies took 2-3 weeks to really come out of the sleepy newborn phase. Breastfeeding can be sooo freaking horrible in the beginning, but it does get easier...and if it doesn't feel right for you, there is NO SHAME in switching. I couldn't agree more with all the happy mommy=happy baby sentiments above. Congratulations, little mommy. I loved the 21 inches/60 inches observation...amazing.
ReplyDeleteThis is what worked & is working for me: dont give up. It is extremely hard, but it does get better. I set a goal of not giving up for at least 6 wks. I had to supplement formula d/t lack of production. Www.lankfordpoppyseed.blogspot.com (for more details). Pump, let ur DH help u. The more rest u get, the better u feel, the less stressed & emotional u will be. Btw: try ice cubes on the bottom of her feet. :). Choose which feedings u want to nurse & which ones u want to bottle feed. I only wanted to nurse & was devistated when I had to give a bottle, but it seems to have been a good thing. It helped me get out of my funk quicker. The pain could be from her not latching properly so check that out. Don't be afraid to contact a lactation specialist. I wish I would have. It never got sore or painful for me, but mine was not sucking properly so I wasn't producing enough. (I know this isn't ur prob, but just FYI). Anyway I just know what worked for me so maybe this will help.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!! I hope you post pics, but understand if you don't, but looking forward to hearing how things go!
ReplyDeleteAs for breastfeeding, it is definitely not for the faint of heart! It was really tough for me the first week or so and then I found out that she had thrush. It isn't uncommon after c/s's due to the antibiotics you get, which is what caused ours. And it can make your nipples hurt really badly. I had never even heard of it, so just watch out for that. But other than that, I think it just takes time and a good, correct latch. My husband went to the nursing classes with me and actually he was my lifesaver. He could see things from a different angle and I call him my own little lactation consultant because he corrected our very painful latch on several occasions. So if you have anyone else that can help, or even a lc to call, I highly recommend it. If it's really painful, your latch is probably a bit off.
I also agree though, for the first few days while my nipples were getting used to things, I lived for the refrigerated gel covers. So soothing after nursing. And just be sure to keep the lansinoh handy.
But I also have to say that even 10 weeks in at this point, my nipples don't hurt but they definitley are very sensitive. Like, getting out of the shower, I can't stand for the towel to touch them. It's not easy at all, but it definitely gets better.
Congrats and enjoy her!! They get so big so fast!
Congratulations!!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats and do what you think is best for EK AND you. I stopped bfing at almost 3 weeks because 1) I hated it (also pumped and supplemented) and 2) it was putting me in a deep depression and 3) I wasn't quite sure she was getting enough from me. So when we went completely FF our baby wa happier and I was starting to come out of the depression, but it took a lot of me telling myself that those moms and "experts" who say only breast is best were not in charge of taking care of my child. And if having a happier mom and baby was by formula feeding, then that's what was gonna happen. Besides, quite a few in my circle were FF and were fine.
ReplyDeleteLol! Mine was 21 inches as well...which I figured she was long since a foot was always stuck in my ribcage. She was in the 90th percentile at birth and now at 10 weeks is in the 95th percentile for height and weight, so I hope you got a lot of 3-6 and 6 month and up clothing in your stash!
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BF was very hard!! But it gets easier mine was at least 6 weeks
ReplyDeleteMy daughter (who is now one on jan 9) would fall asleep at the boob I let her - who wakes a sleeping baby? As long as she's gaining weight that's all that matters - mine was born at 8lbs 1 oz (2 weeks early) went down to albs 2 than with in a week and a half was up 7 albs 6 oz
Don't worry and don't force the formula in sure she's getting enough wig the breast milk otherwise she's be screaming bloody murder :)
I had the same issues with J. This is what worked for us. The sleeping just took time. After like 3 weeks he finally started waking up. I smeared breastmilk and lansinoh cream on my nipples and wore breastpads to help with the pain. The pain ended up being from a bad latch. It was hard for me to be able to see it, but the lactation consultant I went to showed me that J was kind of pinching my nippled. Hurt a ton but what did he care, since he was still getting milk? With some practice, it got better, but now at 7 weeks it's bad again so I'm going back to the lactation consultant tomorrow. J has another health issue that is also impacting his ability to breastfeed well.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing the lactation consultant gave me, which might help you feel better about how much EK is getting, was a syringe with a thin tube attached. I pumped my breastmilk, put it in the syringe, and then either supplemented w/ breastmilk while I nursed (inserted the tube into the side of his mouth and slowly pushed the syringe, so J was getting milk from the tube and my nipple at the same time), or finger fed him by putting my finger in his mouth with the tube on top of it (nail side down). The nice thing about the finger feeding is that it gave me a better look at his latch than I got when he was nursing.
Oh and another idea is to buy or rent a baby scale. You can weigh EK after she nurses to find out how much she's taken in (plus it's nice to know for other times, like when she gets sick or to keep track of weight in between pedi appointments as those spread out).
Good luck! :-)