EK's Birth Story

Along the way, there were times when I would panic and some of you would suggest going to Labor & Delivery but I never could make myself do it.  I would wait until during the work day when I could go to the dr's office instead.  Well, all that changed the night before EK arrived.  I was busy all day - went and had blood work at the hospital, finished registering, and even went and had a pedi.  But I mentioned to DH that EK wasn't moving as much as normal.  That night, we went and go something to eat and by then, I had decided that I had to know what was going on.  I didn't want to be the Mom who thought something was wrong but didn't check it out... and then it be too late....

So, at 10 p.m., eight hours before I was supposed to be checking in anyway, I went to Labor & Delivery.  I was in tears.  They put me on the monitors and EK sounded great.  She was moving some, but mostly, I was having such big contractions that they were kind of keeping her still.  My contractions were 2-4 minutes apart and strong, but I wasn't even one centimeter dilated.  They let me go home, since I was feeling reassured.  They offered to let me stay, but I still had packing to do... and "surgery prep" (if you follow).

I got home, ate, took a long bath, finished packing and set my alarm for 4 a.m. so I would have time to take a shower and "get cute" before going to the hospital.  Then I crawled into bed and just laid there.  (I have to say that I drank water - like I would never have more - right up until midnight. Haha.)  Sometime during the night, I took about a 30 minute nap, but that was all the sleep I was able to get.  Then the alarm went off, and I was flooded with so many emotions...  fear, anxiety, excitement... seriously, you name it... it was there.

We got to the hospital at 6:00 a.m. and the fear was overwhelming.  (Just a week before, my best friend from high school had a c-section at the same hospital and threw up on the operating table.  I was terrified that would happen to me.)  In fact, I was also terrified of the spinal.  What if I ended up paralyzed?  Yes, I'm a lawyer, and yes, I already know this answer, but the day before... I still found myself texting my boss to ask... "If I end up paralyzed, can I sue?  Even if I signed a consent form saying that I understood the risks?"  Haha.

(I won't keep you in suspense.  I am not paralyzed.)

Friends and family started arriving at the hospital and would come back to pre-op a few at a time.  I was so scared, and I kept asking DH if he was scared.  Of course not. ;)  They put my IV in, and in no time I REALLY had to pee.  They let me go to the bathroom.  Thank God.  My friend (who had the baby the week before was there... her baby was still in NICU) helped me carry my IV bag to the bathroom.  She held my gown closed too.  And even laughed and helped me not think about the little bit of blood that was showing in my IV. Ugh. I don't like blood.

My favorite nurse showed up.  It was her birthday. ;)  So I greeted her at the door with "Happy Birthday, Renee'!"  She hugged me and tried to calm my growing nerves.  Then my doctor poked her head in and she was a ray of sunshine.  Love her!  Everybody was excited!  And then it was show time.  The spinal guy came in and talked to me about risks, explained everything he was going to do, etc.  They handed DH some scrubs so he could get ready and my friend took pictures. 

Then I was in the operating room and ready to back out.  Seriously.  I suddenly was completely okay with leaving EK in my belly forever.  I was terrified.  One spinal guy was there and they were waiting for another.  I'm not sure if two is standard or if they had two because I'm a lawyer.  Haha.  Everyone seemed to know I was a lawyer.  Weird, right?  One of the anesthesists even said, "I mean, you know how those lawyers are."  He was joking, but it made me wonder. ;)  Sweet Renee' got in front of me and hugged me, helped me hunch over and then... in no time the spinal was done.  I can't for the life of me remember it hurting.  And that's when I began to calm down.  They commented that may have been the easiest spinal they'd seen in a while.  I laid down and they let DH come in.  The room was spinning a little, and I was so ready to hear my angel cry.  I was terrified that she wouldn't.

DH sat by my head.  He had the camera... ready for "go time."  My doctor said, "Okay. I'm going to make a regular cut, and we'll see how big this little girl is.  I may have to go back and cut some more."  And then I heard the suction.  My water.  They were sucking up all that amniotic fluid.  Wow.  They already cut me.  Didn't feel a thing.  My doctor said, "My goodness at the fluid.  Girl, you were full."  And then... "Okay. You're going to feel some tugging."  This is when I was still waiting to smell the burning smell people talk about.  Nothing. 

My doctor said, "Oh my goodness. My goggles are fogging up.  I'm breaking a sweat.  Her ear is hung.  We have to get these shoulders out...."

All this one-sided dialogue.  Then the nurse adds that she's going to have to take a shower after this c-section.  Haha.  They were working hard.  And then... my baby cried.  It was perfect and DH stood up to start taking pictures.  And all the comments began about how big she was.  My doctor held her over the screen and said, "I usually do this one handed, but she's a two hander."

They handed her to DH and he said, "She's 10 pounds."  Haha.  We took a "family pic" by my head and I cried.  She was perfect.  I literally felt like my heart was melting into tears.  My life, my heart, my world was officially on the outside of my body, and she was crying and she wasn't blue.  And DH... he was all teary too.  In fact, when he walked out to show her to everyone, all the pictures show his sweet, teary eyes.  I love that he's in love with her too.  (He's told me over and over, with kisses, "You did good, you know it? She's beautiful.")

I was threatening DH from the operating table... "Somebody better tell me how much she weighs before everyone else finds out."  In minutes, one of the nurses was calling the nursery to get the weight.  She said, "Okay. Guesses?"  The spinal guy guessed 8 lbs. 10 oz.  I guessed 8 lbs. 11 oz.  My doctor guessed 9 lbs. 3 oz.  And then the unveiling.  9 lbs. 10 oz.  Wow!  My doctor said, "Hey. Good call on that c-section.  I don't even want to think about all the stitches I'd be doing if you'd tried to have her."

They got me stitched up and taken to recovery, where they brought my little angel to me.  I was seriously more in love than I thought I'd be.  I didn't know it was possible to feel the way I felt when I looked at her.

I'm still amazed at the way I feel.  I knew how much I wanted her, needed her.  I've never needed anything so badly, but I had no way of knowing how in love I would be.  Because I've never been this in love.  I look at her, and I see my life.  I see my future.  I see everything that will ever matter to me.  My life makes sense all with the birth of this little person.

And to end on a lighter note.  I did not throw up on the operating table, but I did throw up that night.  It wasn't horrible.  It wasn't painful.  I took two pain pills during my three night stay, but I really didn't need them.  I was sore but it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected.  And I would've gone home after two nights, but EK lost too much weight the first day so they wanted her to stay another night until she was maintaining or gaining weight, so we did.

Did I say that my life is complete now?  It is.
Life. Is. Good.